New Kind of Normal

by Cayetana

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1.
sometimes it’s hard to say when you’re just having a rough day and everything seems so romantic when there’s time and space away is there a way out of this? is there a way out? is there a way out of this? is there a way out? inside my brain you’ll find a cluttered room just dying to be clean again but it always speaks too soon i’m not dead yet, but this doesn’t feel so great i’m not dead yet, but i’d like to take a break is there a way out of this? is there a way out? is there a way out of this?
2.
Mesa 03:06
i thought we’d settle down in mesa, arizona i thought you heard the words, heard the words that i told ya we can only hurt ourselves for so long we can only hurt each other til it all goes wrong together we made flowers out of weeds we jumped in garbage instead of leaves unscratch my skinny legs and arms wait til the water’s calm together we made flowers out of weeds we jumped in garbage instead of leaves unscratch my skinny legs and arms wait til the water’s calm and i know, i know each moment is fleeting i hold my breath as you’re breathing with my kaleidoscope vision, i passed out in your kitchen we can only hurt ourselves for so long we can only hurt each other til it all goes wrong i thought we’d settle down in mesa, arizona i thought you heard the words, heard the words that i told ya we can only hurt ourselves for so long we can only hurt each other til it all goes wrong
3.
TOO OLD FOR THIS they say just write what you know but lately, that’s been getting old not feeling sad about it so i stay in on Friday night try to avoid those city lights i wanna scream about it i can’t pretend that it’s all good again i can’t pretend i feel the same i can’t pretend that i don’t cringe a bit when i hear you say my name don’t say my name and i don’t wanna think about this or you anymore and i don’t wanna think about this or you anymore and i don’t wanna think about this or you anymore they say just write what you know but lately that’s been getting old
4.
Bus Ticket 04:06
it was a wonderful puddle i played in and i was so young when it hit me you think my life is a vacation but i’m adjusting to this medication so i can feel more and care less so i can get this shit off my chest and you wouldn’t resent me for the stuff that i cannot do like waking up early or getting day drunk with you it’s not the fall that radicalized me it’s what happened when i hit the ground but this is the new me and i won’t apologize yeah, this is the new me and i hope that you realize that i was born strong, like the ones that made me and i was made tough, like the one that raised me this is my last call this is my rock bottom this is my curtain call this is my bus ticket *** lyrical nod to Bob Nanna of Braid
5.
Easy to Love 03:37
i spent the past six months inside feeling restless and confined another drained excuse and reason i’ve got one for every season i know you’re built from patient skin but i don’t want this all to wear you thin and maybe you will find someone easier to love maybe i was blind to what you’re looking for and maybe you will find someone easier to love sometimes i can’t articulate the words trapped in my head the way the morning does its dizzy dance and i can’t get out of bed i learn too late, i learn too late you like me the way you like cigarettes always looking for a bad situation you like me the way you like cigarettes always waiting on that good conversation we’re only as good as our worst moments are we only as good as the worst? we’re only as good as our worst moments are we only as good as the worst? and maybe you will find someone easier to love maybe i was was blind to what you’re looking for and maybe you will find someone easier to love
6.
having trouble with myself these days i’m caged by my despondent ways i wake up late, and leave early but its the crux of me, to communicate cryptically but i always speak softly when i’m talking to you my friends and my habits, they stick to me like glue but i always speak freely when i’m venting to you but it’s no consolation, for the way that i act i will push you away, i will push you back and you say “you should get your shit together, you could be so much better, if you just get your shit together, and know when you’re right, you’re right” you see the ugly parts i wish you never knew it’s hard to sit and hide when i’m always seeking you will you love me still, when i can’t get out of bed? will you love me still, with all these sick thoughts in my head? i should get my shit together i could be so much better if i just get my shit together and know when i’m right, i’m right
7.
i always tend to doubt what everyone seems so certain about always tethered to the dirt comprised of legs and hands that hurt from crawling away i wanted to stay when the world bears down on me will i laugh at its audacity, and be able to comprehend? when the world bears down on me will i laugh at its audacity, and be able to start again? it doesn’t make much sense i’m older, but I’m always on the fence and i always seem to doubt how everyone seems to have it all all figured out
8.
all the books i never finished, all the songs i skipped all the things i tried to hold on, but i let them slip away now i say sorry like my mother i try and swim, i’m treading water now i say sorry like my mother i try and swim, i’m treading water and it takes more, to put me back together and it takes more, than it does to fall apart and it takes more, to put me back together and it takes more, than it does to fall apart than to finish what i start for every look i took for granted, and every meal i skipped everything i tried to hold on, but i let it slip away now i say sorry like my mother i try and swim, i’m treading water now i say sorry like my mother i try and swim, i’m treading water all the books i never finished, all the songs i skipped
9.
Grumpy's 03:33
hey reduce you to somebody’s partner, that’s something i hate minimize all the things that you offer, like you’re scraps on a plate and i see you spinning around in a horrible place where your friends aren’t your friends anymore but we all have the cards, they’re just lost in our pockets we’re picking up change and the shit that they toss us we all have the cards you’ll see don’t let them bring you there don’t let them cut your hair don’t let them bring you there don’t let them cut your hair is that your friend or your drinking buddy? your first call, or the understudy? was i your friend or your drinking buddy? your first call, or the understudy? you’ve some real good friends on the weekends i’ve got some real good friends on the weekends and then they’re gone
10.
Follow 02:07
i have these feet that follow me and a brain that won’t catch up i have these things inside of me i’m always throwing up did things change? or did i stay the same? did things change, or did i stay the same? i have this fear that breathes in me, and i don’t know where it fits i’ve got this funny way of acting like i never give a shit but who can i blame? when i stay the same? who can i blame when i stay the same? i’m a mirage, and you will not find me if you’re looking forward, you’re right behind me i’m a mirage, and you will not find me if you’re looking forward, you’re right behind me i have these feet that follow me, and a brain that won’t catch up
11.
Dust 03:29
how soon it was over how fast it fell down like a movie fast forward it all spun around and now my life feels like an old museum dust filled relics of who i am remember the good things that happened here retrace the lines until they reappear remember the good things that happened here retrace the lines until they reappear they reappear life will slap you in your face, and it can put you in your place that’s not what i fear, i just never saw it happen here life will slap me in my face, and it can put me in my place that’s not what i fear, i just never saw it happen here i just never saw it happen here remember the good things that happened here
12.
World 03:37
i spent all day and night laughing at the past, running from the light i spent all day and night trying to find something to like the world is wide the world is wide and i forget that all the time

credits

released May 5, 2017

CREDITS:
Cayetana is
Allegra Anka: bass guitar / back-up vocals
Augusta Koch: guitar / lead vocals
Kelly Olsen: drums / back-up vocals

Engineered and produced by Matt Schimelfenig
at Miner Street Recordings in Philadelphia, PA.

Mastered by Ryan Schwabe.

Lyrics written by Augusta Koch
except ‘World’ written by Allegra Anka

Back up vocals on “Grumpys:”
Marisa Dabice
Candice Martello
Adam Peditto
Jess Flynn

Organ on “Certain for Miles:”
Miles Ziskind

Cover photo by Jess Flynn, layout and design by Max Stern.



ENDLESS THANKS TO:
Matt Schimelfenig, Mary Ferrigno, Max Feshbach, Catherine and Elizabeth Koch, Esther Rider, Danny Robinson, Cami Anka, Phil Battiato, Candice Martello, Danielle DuBois, Eric Osman, Jess Flynn, Adam Peditto, Allison Crutchfield, Siri Langone, Jeff Riddle, Kate Hiltz, Matt Scheuermann, Laura Jane Grace, Tyson Annicharico, Anika Pyle, Lauren Denitzio, Tom May, Greg Barnett, Brian McTear, John Vettese, Max Stern, Andy Clarke, Steph Godshall, Bobby Dodd, Steve Choi, Mike Park, Dan Ozzi, Heather Kozuba, Sarah “Mummo Thomo” Thompson, Perry Shall, Sarah Keen, Annabelle Buck, Kate Egan, Chrissy Tashjian, Mary Jo Kasenchak, Mimi Gallagher, Frank Abruzzo, Stevie Hopkins, Eloy Vugo.

The Tasty, Tiny Engines, Poison City Records, PUP, Restorations, Monk’s Cafe, Milk and Honey Cafe, Miner Street Recordings, the lovely people at WXPN and The Key

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Cayetana Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

HIGH KICKING. BOISTEROUS. PHILADELPHIANS.

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